RTW Day 44 – Melbourne

31st March 2018

A very early start today. We fly to Melbourne at 6 am, so need to get up at 3.30. To be honest, I’m too old to go without the requisite 8 hours sleep. But the flight is on time and and I get to watch The Greatest Showman (twice), so it could be worse.

Entering Australia is a special challenge for the short sighted. The first instruction, on entering the E-gate, is to remove your glasses. The second is written on a screen 20 metres away. I can’t even see there’s an instruction let alone read what it says. Despite my unbeaten run of failing to use an E-gate without assistance, we’re in Melbourne by 9. We head to our hotel, The Jazz Corner Hotel, hoping we can leave our bags there, but they are able to check us in which is an unexpected bonus. So we go back to bed for a few hours.

One I am feeling vaguely human again, we set off to explore Melbourne. It’s a lovely day and a lovely city. My great great grandfather Paul Monte settled in Melbourne (more of that later) and I can see why he fell for the place.

We start in Queen Victoria Market (apparently the largest market in the Southern Hemisphere). It’s huge and you can buy practically anything, but make a beeline for the food court and have fish and chips for brunch.

The Yarra River bisects Melbourne. We spend the afternoon exploring north of the river; there’s some grand old Victorian buildings, some cool modern buildings and a sprinkling of nice parks. We visit the enormous State Library, the beautifully frescoed Royal Exhibition Building and finish up at Federation Square. It looks like a great place to spend some time. But we’ve had a long day so we catch the tram back to the hotel.

Our home for the next 3 nights is a one bed flat on the 25th floor of a tower block. It has all mod cons (I’m disproportionately excited when I discover the washing machine) and a great view across the city and river.

I sit on the balcony with a beer and some rather strange chicken and aioli crisps, watching the sun set over the harbour and wondering how my view compares with G G Grandad Paul’s a century ago.

RTW Day 45 – Melbourne

1st April 2018

I wake to find the clocks went back in the night – a day after our arrival in Australia and a week after they went forward in the UK. In the past week, compared to the UK, we have been plus 13, 12, 10 and 9. By the time I get my head round this, we’ll be in Adelaide and plus 8.5 hours.

Once I have finished worrying about the time, and set off the fire alarm making some toast, we commence part two of our Melbourne sightseeing extravaganza.

We start where we finished yesterday and walk in a huge zigzagging circle along the river, up Hosier street (famous for its street art).

We walk over the freaky William Barak bridge which talks and sings to you as you cross to the Olympic Park (home to various sports venues including the MCG and the Rod Laver Arena).

We walk through the Botanic Gardens. Here, a radio station are handing out chocolate bilbies (imagine a genetic mutation of half rabbit half wallaby).

Next we go to the Shrine of Remembrance. It’s a huge shrine originally built to honour the dead of WW1. The area underneath houses the Galleries of Remembrance, a moving and informative museum detailing the role of Australians in conflicts around the world.

We return via Victoria Market for dinner. We need to refuel, we’ve covered a lot of miles today and only eaten a chocolate marsupial.

RTW Day 46 – Erinsborough

2nd April 2018

Today, I am indulging two of my passions. First, I have been watching Neighbours for 30 years so a visit to Melbourne would not be complete without a Ramsey Street tour. Reviews are mixed so I have high hopes and low expectations. The package includes a meet and greet with a star of the show. I am intrigued to see who they have coaxed out of bed on a bank holiday morning.

After a shaky start (the bus driver reversing into a street sign) it’s actually a really good tour. The clientele are exclusively British (the Aussies don’t watch Neighbours) and super excited. The driver/guide spends the 18 mile drive to the suburbs engaging in Neighbours themed banter.

We start at the studio. Because there’s no filming taking place, we are allowed onto the set, which is a bonus, and I get to take loads of cheesy photos.

Then on to Ramsey St, which isn’t actually called Ramsey St. But the guide has a makeshift street sign for more cheesy photo ops. The star we meet, Ben Nicholas, played the character Stingray. He seems really nice and is happy to chat and pose for photos. All in all, a great morning.

The afternoon is dedicated to genealogy. We start at the Polly Woodside, a 19th century tall ship similar to those my G G grandad sailed on. You can board the ship to see what conditions were like and there is also an interesting little museum.

Then we walk to Port Melbourne, to Bay Street where my G G grandad lived. I take plenty of pictures of his homes (front and back). The old man stresses that I will get arrested for stalking or casing the joint.

We plan to return to the city by train but that involves purchasing a $6 card on which to put the $6 fare. We are too mean to pay, so walk instead. By the time we reach the hotel, we have walked 19 km and are tired and hungry. We head out intending to eat our body weight in Chinese, but I order a Kung Po chicken so hot it burns my lips – a novel form of portion control.

RTW Day 47 – Hanging Rock and Castlemaine

3rd April 2018

We pick up our hire car today and head north to the goldfields region. I start with a run round Flagstaff Park. It looks like a pretty park from the road, but I soon realise that the reason I can see it from the road is that the entire park is raised. Whichever way you run, it’s uphill to the middle.

Next to collect our car. It takes forever. Primarily because the staff are desperately trying to flog a variety of extras. Eventually we are served, pay for the extras added to the bill we thought we’d already paid and escape the city. The car is enormous. (They’ve run out of small cars and initially try and sell the big one as an ‘upgrade’). It’s done 822 km – it’s the newest car I’ve ever been in.

Before we leave Melbourne I have one more matter to deal with. We detour to the suburb of Kew. My great grandmother believed her father died (lost at sea) before she was born. Recently, thanks to the internet, I discovered he actually jumped ship in Australia and settled in Melbourne with a new ‘wife’, leaving his real wife and children destitute in England. I have found his grave at Kew cemetery so stop to have words. The grave is in an unkempt corner of the cemetery. It is unmarked and covered with weeds. This makes me both pleased and sad.

We drive on to Hanging Rock, which became notorious thanks to the novel ‘Picnic at Hanging Rock’, in which a group of school girls go missing in mysterious circumstances.

We planned to have our own picnic at Hanging Rock but the shop is shut so we have to make do with sharing a manky mars bar the old man finds in the bottom of his bag. It’s a much harder climb to the summit than I expected and the circuit takes over an hour to complete. But it’s worth it for the view. And we see our first kangaroo.

Our final destination for the day is Castlemaine. Obviously famous for XXXX – but they don’t actually make that here. My guide book describes Castlemaine as ‘one of the most happening places in Victoria’. In fact, not much seems to happen here at all. Most things that do happen, don’t happen on Tuesdays and those that do, shut at 4 pm.

We decide to walk to the botanical gardens. These Victorian gardens are lined with oak trees. It’s autumn so they’re shedding leaves. The old man ponders on how, if they were grown from acorns imported from the UK, they know it’s autumn when it’s spring at home.

We find a pub in a converted mill which is open; Shedshaker Brewing, although they have sold out of most things. The barmaid says this is because the bank holiday cleared them out. Maybe Castlemaine is so happening that everyone is at home still hungover from a mega wild weekend?

RTW Day 48 – Ballarat

4th April 2018

Today’s destination is Ballarat. I’ve never been here before, but I’ve watched 36 episodes of the Dr Blake Mysteries, so it feels very familiar.

We start at the Museum of Australian Democracy at Eureka, venue of the Eureka Stockade; a miners’ uprising violently put down by government forces. The museum covers the uprising and democracy in general. (Oh, and features in Dr Blake Series 3 Episode 4). It’s the old man’s birthday so he gets his first senior discount, which makes him happy.

Then on to Ballarat town centre to Lydiard Street and its grand Victorian buildings built during the height of the gold rush (that coincidentally feature heavily in Dr Blake).

We tour the Fine Art Gallery which has a great collection of Australian art (Dr Blake Series 2 Episode 8).

Then we buy picnic supplies – including an entire discounted chocolate mousse cake which has to be eaten today – and have lunch on the shores of the beautiful Lake Wendouree (Series 1 Episode 1).

Finally a walk round the lake to the Botanical Gardens. We’ve been to a few gardens on our trip, but this is one of the best.

After a stroll along Lake Wendouree as the sun sets, it’s back to the B&B to watch the start of the Commonwealth Games, which is in there somewhere amidst the adverts.

RTW Day 49 – Geelong and The Great Ocean Road

5th April 2018

We check out of our B&B. It has a formidable collection of instruction stickers and it’s a relief to be out of there.

Today we head for the Great Ocean Road. But we start with a detour to Geelong. Along the waterfront are 100 wooden bollards, painted by artist Jan Mitchell to resemble people and tell the story of Geelong. We take a tour of most of these rather quirky bollard figures. There are bathers and life savers, sailors, soldiers etc.

The figures to the character of the very pleasant town of Geelong and I wish we had more time to spend here. We have a picnic which we are forced to share with a super aggressive seagull and move on to the start of the Great Ocean Road.

The Great Ocean Road hugs the Victorian coast for 151 miles. Built by soldiers returning from World War 1 and dedicated to those who fell, it is technically the world’s longest war memorial. It starts at Torquay, home of all things surfer.

Next is Anglesea with its stunning orange striped rocks.

On to Aireys Inlet with a cliff top walk to a lighthouse.

Then Teddy’s Lookout, high up on cliff top, where we spot a family of kangaroos having dinner.

We skip the resort town of Lorne as they’re doing a controlled burn and it’s rather smoky. Road works slow us down somewhat so we don’t stop to look for koalas at Kennet River, which is a shame but it’s already getting dark.

Finally, after a long day (we have been on the road for almost 9 hours) we reach our destination of Apollo Bay. We go to the Fisherman’s Collective. Not a pretentiously named restaurant, but where fishermen sell their catch on the quayside. We get some melt-in-the-mouth fish and chips and retire for the night.

RTW Day 50 – Great Ocean Road

6th April 2018

Our second day of driving the Great Ocean Road. It’s raining so my enthusiasm for sightseeing is diminished. We drive through Great Otway National Park. My guide book has promised koalas but we don’t spot any. Maybe they hate rain too.

We reach Cape Otway Lightstation and the old man goes to explore. I stay in the car. I have washed my waterproof jacket, so it’s no longer waterproof – more a sort of rain magnet. It stops raining so I go for a walk. Behind a big sign saying ‘wrong way – turn round’ is a public footpath which provides a pleasant walk to a lookout over the lighthouse. The company that runs the lighthouse and charges $20 entry fee appears to have disguised the footpath to discourage people from looking at the lighthouse for free.

We return to the Great Ocean Road, heading for Port Campbell. For the next 40 miles it’s mostly inland and peppered with road works so it doesn’t feel particularly ‘Great’ or ‘Ocean’.

Eventually we re-join the coast and work our way along the obligatory tourist stops. The Twelve Apostles, Loch Ard Gorge, London Bridge (which really has fallen down),

Next, The Arch and The Grotto. It’s all about rocks today.

That completes the Great Ocean Road. We stop overnight at Warrnambool, because it has a parkrun. So it’s dinner and an early night because parkrun is at the earlier time of 8 am here.

RTW Day 51 – Warrnambool to Portland

7th April 2018

An early start today for Warrnambool parkrun round the beautiful Lake Pertobe.

As I run I can see pelicans and spoonbills on the lake. I consider stopping to take a photo but I can see the old man just ahead of me and can imagine how smug he’ll be if his time is significantly faster than mine.

After the run, we wander along Warrnambool seafront before starting our day’s drive along the coastal Princes Highway.

Our first stop is Tower Hill; a park which offers nature walks. We don’t see any of the animals shown on the info panels, despite getting a crick in my neck looking in the trees for koalas. However it’s a different story when we return to the car park and find an emu in picnic area. He looks a bit fierce so we decide to lunch elsewhere.

We stop at Port Fairy. My guide book promises black wallabies but despite a comprehensive walk, we spot none. But we have a nice picnic on the seafront before moving on to our overnight destination.

We reach our B&B in Cape Nelson It’s a strange setup; they give us the run of the house and sleep in the shed.

Our host asks if we have seen koalas. When we say we have been trying unsuccessfully for days, she says there are some in her garden. So we finally see a koala.

In fact Cape Nelson is a veritable wildlife feast. We drive to the lightstation at the end of the cape. En route we see black wallabies and echidnas.

After a wander through Portland and a curry, we return to the B&B at dusk. There are dozens of wallabies and echidnas on the verges. It’s very exciting, although photographing the wallabies is impossible as they move so fast (and it’s almost dark).

RTW Day 52 – Mount Gambier

8th April 2018

The weather report predicts a high of 28 degrees, so we don shorts and factor in some beach time. But it’s actually quite windy and as soon as we’re suitably far enough away from the car, it starts raining. I was already grumpy as I’ve discovered we left my trainers in Warrnambool and the rain doesn’t help my mood any.

In Cape Bridgewater we follow the walkway along the cliff tops to the Petrified Forest. It’s not really a forest but tubular limestone formations. They’re quite unusual – it feels like we have been been teleported to another planet. There’s also a blowhole lookout but the tide isn’t sufficiently high so it’s more of an asthmatic wheeze hole.

We stop briefly at the beach before accepting the fact that it really isn’t beach weather and set off for Mount Gambier. It’s a scenic drive through pine forests with emus and wallabies grazing by the roadside but we don’t stop. The speed limit is 100 kph and the old man has discovered cruise control so 100 kph is therefore apparently obligatory.

We stop briefly at the state border for me to photograph the ‘Welcome to South Australia’ sign and the old man to stress about whether he needs to put his salmon and dill dip in the quarantine bin. There’s a time difference from Victoria of 30 minutes – what’s that all about?

We continue to Blue Lake, so called because it turns from grey to a vivid cobalt blue in summer, returning to grey in April. We just catch it on change from blue to grey. It’s 3.5 km long and you can walk or drive round the perimeter and take in the view from various lookout points. We opt to drive. As it provides water to Mount Gambier, there are some less picturesque spots around the pump station which can be passed over.

We find a lakeside bench for a picnic. Then check into our cheap motel and go to the local strip to do our laundry. Oh, the glamour of international travel!

RTW Day 53 – Robe

Robe 9th April 2018

The temperature is predicted to hit 27 degrees today but I am not optimistic enough to reach for my shorts just yet. We only have a short distance to cover; 80 miles up the coast to the resort town of Robe. But this means we will have notched up a total of 20,000 miles in total.

After some navigation issues in Millicent (caused by the old man’s inability to tell the difference between left and straight on) we reach Robe mid morning and take a walk along the headland trail. It’s very pretty – a rocky bay surrounded by succulent covered dunes. It has a terribly ugly 1970s lighthouse built to replace the 19th century obelisk which is teetering precariously on the eroding cliff top.

We drive further round the coast to Long Beach, a 10 km long golden sandy beach which you can drive onto. I’m not sure what the hire car would have to say about this, but as the beach is legally classified as a road, technically speaking, we’re not driving off road.

It’s a lovely sunny day (some places in Australia boast their hottest April day ever) so I intend to go for a swim, until I feel how icy cold the water is, and decide to make do with a paddle.

In the evening we take a stroll along the harbour front and back through the old part of town with its historic 19th century buildings. There are a lot of memorial rocks spread around town; aborigines, Chinese miners, soldiers, sailors – they all have a rock to commemorate their sacrifice.

Then back to the motel to watch the Commonwealth Games, which is shown in very brief stints amidst an absolute ton of adverts.

RTW Day 54 – Victor Harbor

10th April 2018

We have a long drive today to Victor Harbor. The satnav suggests an inland motorway route, crossing the Murray River by bridge, but we decide to stay on the coastal B road which involves a ferry crossing. Before departing Robe, we buy an awesome bacon and egg doorstop at Hateley’s bakery, which we eat on a bench overlooking the ocean.

Navigating isn’t hard today, the first instruction is ‘turn left in 141 miles’. We stop briefly in Kingston; primarily for petrol but also because they have a 50 foot giant lobster. And who can’t resist a giant lobster?

Next follows 80 miles of Coorong National Park. On the map it looks cool; a chain of lagoons running alongside the ocean. But in reality the view is obscured by bushes so it’s just miles of flat scrubland. It would be boring if it wasn’t for the kangaroos randomly appearing out of the scrub and bounding across the road. They’re bigger and more cumbersome than I’d imagined and judging from the roadkill and dented bonnets we’ve seen, hitting them is quite common and not much fun for anyone involved. Apart from obviously not wanting to kill a kangaroo, the excess on our car insurance is $4,000.

We break our journey at Jack’s Lookout and follow the walk through the wetlands to a hide where you can allegedly see pelicans. There aren’t any, which is ironic as I spotted pelicans on the pond outside the petrol station earlier.

We stop for lunch in the pretty lakeside town of Meningie. It has a huge number of birds. There are all sorts, but primarily cockatoos – hundreds of them. Oh, and pelicans, lots of pelicans which we watch glide majestically past while we sit by Lake Albert eating pie surrounded by a circle of seagulls surrounded by a circle of magpies.

After lunch we must take a Ferry across the Murray to reach tonight’s destation of Victor Harbor.

By the time we reach Victor Harbor it’s 36 degrees and windy. It’s a bit like standing too near a jet engine. But we brave a walk to Granite Island; a small island reached by a wooden jetty and with a circular trail where you can admire the granite formations.

If rock formations aren’t exciting enough, there’s also a sculpture trail.

Then we go for dinner; cheap steak and expensive wine. The food takes ages to arrive, so by the time I head for the ‘all you can eat’ salad bar, featuring plates stolen from a dolls house, plenty of wine has been consumed. This leads an unfortunate incident, when I turn too quickly and distribute beetroot over a wide expanse of carpet. And that rounds off our Australian coastal adventure.

RTW Day 55 – Barossa Valley

11th April 2018

We leave the coast road today and head north to the Barossa Valley, home of my favourite wine – Jacobs Creek.

It’s a pretty drive through the vineyards and farms of the Adelaide Hills, through the quaint German town of Hahndorf, where we take a wander. Hahndorf was settled by German pioneers in 1834. They attempted to conceal their Germaness due to persecution during WWII, but are trying to rediscover it again to boost tourism.

Onwards on Route B34, branded the Epicurean Way. We are enticed by a large yellow cow into a cheese shop and purchase some very tasty goats Brie for lunch.

On arrival in the Barossa Valley, our first point of call is, of course, Jacobs Creek.

Next, Wolf Blass and then Penfold’s. There are some heavy hitters around here.

We check into our hotel; The Vine (see what they’ve done there?) and get some chips to soak up all that alcohol.

RTW Day 56 – Adelaide

12th April 2018

We round off our Australian trip with a couple of days in Adelaide. It’s only an hour’s drive from Nuriootpa so we arrive with plenty of time for sightseeing. Awkward moment in the car park when I get into the wrong car, exacerbated by the fact I then start rearranging things in said car.

We start with the Adelaide Botanic Gardens. It’s more informally planted than the other antipodean gardens we have seen. In the cactus garden, I encounter a group of school children competing to see who can get the most cactus spikes in their hands. I wonder if that features in the risk assessment?

Next door is the National Wine Centre. This combines a wine museum with a vending machine style tasting room. It’s a tad expensive but obviously popular. I haven’t seen so many ATMs in one room since Las Vegas.

After a picnic in the gardens, we head along North Terrace, home to the Art Gallery of South Australia. Basically, 3 floors of seriously weird stuff. Even the old man, who usually moans about contemporary art, is mesmerised by its weirdness. Weirdest of all: ‘We are all flesh’ a dead horse strung up by its hoof.

We round off our day with the South Australian Museum; somewhat disappointing as it’s pretty much 3 floors of taxidermy. Tucked in a corner, however, its redeeming feature – ‘Milerum and and Me: The Art of Jacob Stengl’ some great paintings by an Aboriginal artist taken from his family aged 3 and raised in a children’s home.

That’s enough culture for the old man for one day, so we check into our motel. It’s “a unique self rated 3 star accommodation option”. In other words, rather tired and no one else would give it 3 stars. Good job we have yesterday’s purchase from Jacobs Creek, a very nice sparkling Chardonnay.

RTW Day 57 – Adelaide

13th April 2018

Our last day in Australia. After a morning doing chores, we set off on for a busy afternoon, combining sightseeing with trying to photobomb all the old man’s pictures.

Adelaide is heaving. Apparently this has something to do with the crows versus the magpies. I have no idea what this means, but I’m guessing it has nothing to do with ornithology.

We work our way towards the city centre, starting where Australians worship; St Peter’s Cathedral and the Adelaide Oval.

Then, the state library, which had some interesting exhibits on war and democracy.

Last stop of the morning, the Migration Museum.

We stop for lunch at the food court in Rundle Mall. It’s bizarre that given dozens of options, so many people opt for KFC.

We round things off in Victoria Square, venue of the Taste Australia festival. It sounds like a good idea, but the wind has picked up and it’s obviously trendy to cook food on an open fire. Thus the square so full of smoke that it’s difficult to breathe.

We give up and catch the bus home. Only it’s not following the published route and heads unexpectedly in the wrong direction. We have to get off and try again. Second time lucky, we make it home just as the heavens open. The heatwave breaks in a huge storm hours before we’re due to leave Australia.

As we get ready for bed, a spider the size of a crab appears from behind the tv screen. We have to be up at 5 am for our flight and now a good night’s sleep is even less likely.